I'll Stand Back Up

Today I have been feeling battered, bruised, broken, not physically but emotionally, spiritually. I had a hard week and felt like a failure as a parent, lacking patience, creativity, and good homemaking skills. I have been lacking in my personal scripture study and prayer, and was not connected to the Spirit like I would like, and should be. Today as I was driving home from a primary presidency meeting where we had some great discussions about how we were doing, and my sweet sisters listened to me pour out my aching, frustrated heart to them, I received inspiration I needed. It did not come to me through a scripture, or hymn but the lyrics of a song from one of my favorite bands.  As I was driving with tears streaming down my face,  I knew Satan was working on getting me down. He wants me to notice ALL my faults, every little thing I do wrong and remind me that I am not as pretty, not as organized, not as patient as so and so, that I am not good enough, that my Heavenly  Father is denying me blessings, denying me the righteous desires of my heart because I am not enough, that I have not been good enough. Deep down I know these thought are not true, but I have allowed myself to entertain  those thoughts, not really quite believe them but entertain them. Well today I am here to say, I'll stand back up! I may have had a bad few days, maybe longer but this trial won't  keep me down. I will learn from it, move forward, doing my best to trust in the Lord, His timing, knowing that He loves me, and that those thoughts do not come from Him.  So...
"Go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
I'm laid out on the floor, but I've been here before,
I may stumble, yeah I might fall,
Only human aren't we all?
I might lose my way, but hear me when I say,

I will stand back up,
You'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid, and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

I've been beaten up and bruised,
I've been kicked right off my shoes,
Been down on my knees more times than you'd believe,
When the darkness tries to get me,
There's a light that just won't let me,
It might take my pride, and my tears may fill my eyes,
But I'll stand back up,

I've weathered all these storms,
But I just turn them into wind, so I can fly,
What don't kill you makes you stronger,
When I take my last breath,
That's when I'll just give up,

So, go ahead and take your best shot,
Let 'er rip, give it all you've got,
You might win this round but you can't keep me down,

'Cause I'll stand back up,
And you'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up,

You'll know just the moment when I've had enough,
Sometimes I'm afraid and I don't feel that tough,
But I'll stand back up. " ~Sugarland

I am so thankful for those words ringing in my ears, that I will stand back up, that I will take what's  hard and use it to learn from. I will stand back up because of  my  Savior. Because, with Him strengthing me I can be triumphant. I do not have to let trials define me, or my happiness. I can rely on Him and He will make me more than I am. He will make all things right. I can choose to  be happy though my heart longs for things that seem unreachable, I have no time line to know if my small family will expand as we desire but I know that through the dark times and the happy times I will stand back up, I won't quit, I may have dark days, I may stumble and fall but I refuse to throw in the towel and be done, I refuse to live unhappy.  I choose to find happiness in my situation. And, most days I am really happy. It's okay that things are not going according to my plan because His plan is teaching me much more. Refining me, humbling me, and brining me closer to Him, and that is a better plan. I know a few things for sure, life is tough, but it is meant to be enjoyed, we have a Savior who loves us, who has felt our joys, our sorrows, our pain, who will help is overcome and become more than we once were. I also know that I choose to be happy, and I choose to be grateful for what I do have and that in all things there is oppostion;that we may learn good from evil, experience sadness to know joy, and that everything works together for our good. Without my trials I would not have learned all that I now know. I also know that I will experience more trials, harships, sadness, but I will also experience much more joy, excitement and grow in truth and light. I will take the hard times, the good times and use them as the song says, as wind to fly high